I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
