either way he was missing a nipple.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
