I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
