upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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