OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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