It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
