I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
