So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
no you cant smoke seaweed
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
