just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
