ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
