come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
