its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
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I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
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Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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