maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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