Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
