Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
