i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
