I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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