I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
