Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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