Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
