So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
