New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just found a bag of teeth...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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