nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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