I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
