she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
