Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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