I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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