ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
