her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
