This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
