You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
