the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
