I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
