1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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