suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
