Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You are a booty call, not a friend.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
