Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Randomize
