DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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