piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
