I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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