No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
