so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
