Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
