True but thats because hes a fetus.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
