the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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