Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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