Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My vagina is officially offended.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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