yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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