Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Oh god it's open bar.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
