Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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