You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
