I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
