I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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