Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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