there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
