I cockslap morals
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
