My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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