i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
