farters have to be the big spoon...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
