just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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