i think my tv is drunk
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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