I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize