so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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