imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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