Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
