If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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