I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
