I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Can I color on your dick again?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Randomize
