Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
