I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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